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Mitt Romney Oven Mitt-Themed Paintings

I moved in with Felix on August 1st and now after being there a month I think it will work out. I only need to live there for a year or so then hopefully I'll be able to move out and get my own place again. Having a roommate just isn't for me.

Anyway, at least I've been getting some artwork done. I've completed the first stage of my "Mitt Romney Oven Mitt, Enchilada and Magic Underwear" painting series. So far I've got five paintings on there and want to make at least three more before the election on November 6th. I'm getting these finished and online a LOT later than I should have. I should have started this series in February or so, right after Mitt was pretty much the Republican nominee, but now here I am with only a couple months to try and sell these things.

A couple weeks ago I finally sold my Obama/Michael Jackson "Noseless" painting for $120 but only after it had been sitting in my art store for a fucking YEAR AND A HALF and now here I have five paintings that are only going to be relevant for TWO MONTHS (unless the unthinkable happens and Mitt wins, of course).

Yes, I am aware that someone has already come up with "Oven Mitt Romney"(http://ovenmittromney.com) LOL, what bastards! That was my original name for this painting series, something simple, but screw it.

I decided to put speech bubbles in these Mitt Romney paintings, alot of text, I guess because I was influenced by all the comic books I've been reading the past year. The bad thing about them, though, is that it's hard to read the text in the pictures I took. On the website I've got larger images you can click to that make the text more legible, but I guess I'm not entirely happy with it. Fuck it. Somebody just buy the shit, please. LOL!!!!

Here's the fifth one of these I made, inspired by Paul Ryan being the vice-presidential nominee and all the talk of taking away Medicare. The page for it is http://ovenmitt.tacowerewolf.org/mittpainting5.html




I hope everyone is doing well and i hope to stop in here more often!
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Is It Time To Make An Update?

I haven't posted in this thing forever, nor have I really posted on any blogging/social networking formats much at all in the past few months. I'm still around and I still think I'll get back into a regular habit of updating online in one way or another. I've just sort of sank into an incubation period, I guess, and honestly, posting stuff online just hasn't interested me that much as I've just slipped into a rabbit hole of my own personal thoughts and haven't really felt I've got much to share. Awhile back I created a Tumblr Account on a Sunday afternoon when I was suicidally bored. And I dickered around with it for a few hours and realized I didn't really like it; couldn't figure out how to comment on most people's entries; the whole site just seemed kinda junky with all these bugs and glitches and little things about it I didn't like and I started getting a sinking feeling that it was just a waste of my time, at least at the time, so FUCK IT!!!!

I'm pretty sure I'm going to finally move out of my apartment at the end of July, after living in this cum-stained, dingy, tiny drab and dreary RAT HOLE wolf's den for eleven and a half years. I need something cheaper and I need to get back to living downtown. The bad thing is, I'm going to have a roommate and the roommate is an old adult bookstore troll from work. I've written about him in entries before (maybe not this particular journal?) and I've made him a character in stories I've written, giving him the codename of "Felix." He's actually kind of always interested me because he is rich but he is waaaaay creepy acting, extremely unkempt-looking and nobody ever talks to him. I've always found him to be amusing from a distance. He used to own two gay bars in town, one of which did VERY good business for a number of years, but now Felix is sort of semi-retired, having closed both bars down. He still owns a few rental properties in town and he's gonna have me doing odd jobs, helping with the upkeep of them, to help cut down on my rent expense. It could turn out working out well for me for a year or two, or Felix could try to murder me with an axe within the first month. Or chop me up and eat me after after putting something in my drink on my first night living with him. I really don't know.

Before I move I want to get a handful of final Obama Taco Underwear paintings finished and online. These will focus on Mitt Romney more than Obama, actually. I intended to get these done loooong before now, and to have alot more of them made than I'm going to end up having, but I've honestly had a difficult time being productive, creatively, lately. I swear, for the past year all I've really done is read comic books.

When I move in with Felix in August I plan to begin a brand-new project that I have in mind and hopefully begin upon a new era. And along with that I hopefully will be updating things more and being a bit more social and interacting more with you all. I'm sorry I've been such a sucky Internet pal, but if it makes you feel any better I've been a sucky friend to people in real-life, too, lately.
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Barry Is Dead And Silver Bullets In My . . . Butt?


I was at work yesterday when my boss showed me the obituaries of my local paper. He saw someone in there that he thought he'd heard me talk about in the past. I looked and sure enough, my friend, Barry, whom I'd written about here concerning his getting his butthole sewn shut, had died. He died Monday. I actually hadn't seen Barry since October. Back then he was doing fine, had gotten a job driving a cab in town. He'd seen me way on the south side of town and gave me a free cab ride home, which I was very thankful for. It's funny because I specifically remember how during that cab ride he and I were talking about some dude who had died--just like that!-- and we were like, "Yeah, you never know, dude. One day you're here and the next day you're DEAD. So Barry is dead. He was 52. He was kinda creepy but a good guy, and he was my friend.

It's unfortunate because I don't actually know anybody else who knows him so there's no way I can find out how he died. I'm assuming some sort of health problem resurfaced, probably having to do with his digestive system, because all the paper said was that he was dead. I'd go to the funeral but it's up in Indianapolis where his family is from and I don't have any way to get up there right now.

Anyway, I watched a shitty werewolf movie last night, Red Riding Hood. I kinda figured it would suck but it had a (stupid looking, come to find out) werewolf in it and my boss, who knows of my Taco Werewolf identity and werewolf obsession, kept insisting that I watch it. Yes, my boss not only tells me what to do at work, but he also tells me what werewolf movies to watch at home. Hahahhaaa. Okay, I watched it, and it sucked liked I figured it would. What was the point again? LOLOLOL

Then there is Johnny Depp as Tonto in a new Lone Ranger movie I guess is coming out in 2013. I was looking at Depp in the pic and was like, "Oh My Goth! He looks just like the Crow!-- and then I was like, "Wait! he actually has a fucking CrOW on top of his fucking head!" Actually it might be interesting to put a bit of a dark angle on the Lone Ranger. I've always liked the Lone Ranger, actually, and have long hoped they'd make some werewolf connection with the Ranger's use of silver bullets.
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The Eyes Of The Werewolf Are Watching Your Taco


So it's been a long while since I've made an entry. I hope everyone who is still on here is doing well! I haven't done much on any of the social networks lately, haven't really spent that much time online. I guess my mind has just been elsewhere, my face in a comic book and my head planted firmly up my ass, lol. But today is Super Bowl Sunday and I'm just going to spend the day at the computer, dicking around and snooping around and trying to get back into things because I plan on renewing my online presence in a big way in the upcoming months. Oooooooh, what do I mean by that? SOUNDS ScARY!!!

Speaking of the Super Bowl, here is a fresh pic of me I just took in a new werewolf mask. I bought the damn thing months ago, around Halloween, at a grocery store, but just put it on for the first time today! For the past few months I've just had it hanging on the wall and staring at me, beckoning me to wear it while I just scoff at it and say, "Eh, fuck you, I'm not into it right now. I've got comic books to read, muther fucker!"

I actually prefer to paint my face in lieu of wearing a mask, to allot for facial expressions. I need to buy a new "Instant Werewolf Kit," though, at a local costume shop because the velcro on my old one is worn off. This new mask is kinda cool but the eyes don't look so hot, and it just overall looks kind of stiff. Maybe it's the angle, I dunno. It's basically just a mask to wear when I'm feeling too lazy to paint my face.

So do you want to come over to my werewolf's den and watch the Super Bowl with me? I've got on my Major League Baseball All-Star Game jersey and I'm ready to go! You'll have to get permission from the nurse in the lobby, though, to see if I'm allowed visitors today, if you want to come into my room. MY DiAGnosis is GRIM!! MuWAHAHAHA!!!

Oh and here's another little photo-op I did, elaborating on the pic above. Actually, football season sucked this year, in many ways, with my favorite teams, the Vikings and Colts, having awful, awful seasons.

Anyway, I really just wanted to check in and say hello to everyone!
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My Busted Backpack And The Bum With Bad Timing

I think some rude woman told me to "shove my cigarette up my ass" today, but I'm not sure. All I could make out was the word "ass." My backpack BUSTED (Yeah the one my landlady gave me the other day is now BROKEN already) earlier out in the Kroger parking lot, spilling my groceries all over the ground. I'm pissed, of course, while picking them all up. I've got a cigarette hanging from my mouth and this woman comes up to me and asks if I have a "spare" one. I was really pissy and said, "No I'm not giving you a fucking cigarette." And that's when I heard her say something to me having to do with "ass." LOL. She might have been offering me HER ass for a smoke, but I doubt it.

What kind of person asks a complete stranger for a cigarette while they are on the ground picking up their damn spilled groceries?
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My Landylady Gave Me A Backpack

Found out today my landlady has been looking for me all week. I'm caught up on rent so I was curious to know what she wanted. I got in contact with her today and found out she wanted to give me a BACKPACK?! LOL, I guess she'd noticed that the one I've been using the past five years is getting pretty mangy. Actually, I've had random strangers in town make comments to me about how mangy my backpack is. My landlady had seen a backpack some student had thrown in the dumpster and saved it for me. Very sweet and thoughtful of her.

The problem is I already found ANOTHER backpack a few days ago in the trash, and this one is better than the one my landlady gave me. I didn't have the heart to tell her and I don't want her to see me wearing a different backpack than the one she gave me. So now I'm kind of stuck wearing this inferior landlady backpack and this dilemma is really gnawing on me, so much so that I might just keep using my old MANGY BACKPACK and say to hell with anything new!

Too many backpacks is a CURSE!
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Got my 75 cents back from the bank today!

So I was downtown and needing a cup of coffee from the machine in the library the other day. I didn't have any change; my bank was nearby so I went in there and withdrew 75 cents from my account, lol. Then the next day I was checking out my balance and noticed they had posted my 75 cent withdraw TWICE! Yeah, I know it's only 75 cents but banks are EVIL and I wasn't about to overlook that crap so I went in there yesterday to complain. They made me wait in the lobby to talk to customer service and when I told the lady my problem she seemed annoyed that I was making a big deal over 75 cents. She said she'd have to file a "maintenance report" and have headquarters "investigate" to make sure I hadn't made TWO 75 cent withdrawals. She asked me if I wanted her to do this and I'm like DUH, yes! I know it's only 75 cents but it's MY money! Give me my 75 cents back!

Anyway, I just checked my account this morning and my 75 cents has been returned to me. I wasn't ABOUT to just overlook that crap!
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(Not Quite) Born on the Fourth of July


Mom and Dad came down to see me for my birthday a few days ago, on June 30th, and they got me the present above:"Captain America vs. The Red Skull," a compilation of Captain America's fiercest battles against that sinister, nefarious red-headed boney bastard Nazi, The ReD SKuLL!!! Spanning from Cap's days during World War 2 all the way up to the present day, this comic book is surely a treat for all red blooded American werewolves like me who weren't exactly "Born on the Fourth of July" but June 30th is pretty fucking close, dude!

I'm wanting to get in the habit of updating my blogs and Twitter/Facebook on a more regular basis but I've been having a hard time with some stuff and keep getting distracted. It seems like as soon as I kill off one wolf who is closing in on me, another, BIGGER and Badder one is right there ready to pounce. Although I actually have a handful of different "origin stories" for my "Taco Werewolf" persona, one of them revolves around the idea that a few years ago I was sick of all the figurative "wolves" around me trying to take a bite out of me and ruin my life, take away my tacos, and I figured the only way to counter them and win this war for my tender, sensitive soul was to become a wolf, myself, and that's what I fucking did. But even though I've managed to destroy a few of the wolves that have been after me, a few of the stronger ones still remain. So if I go awhile without posting that's what's going on. I am a werewolf out fighting the other wolves. And yes, in the end I fully intend to win this war, so don't you worry about that.

And lately, when I'm not fighting off wolves I'm either lying on my mattress in my wolf's den or out in the woods near my apartment reading COMIC BOOKS! Fuck yeah! Back in May I decided to get back into reading comic books after about a 25 year hiatus. I guess at some point when I was 12 years old I lost interest in them like a dumbass, but over the years since I've often thought about getting back into reading them but was always daunted over the prospect of catching up on 25 years of lost comic book continuity, trying to figure out who is who now, what are they fighting about; who died; who came back to life and what parallel worlds this and that super-hero are now living on but recently I just said FUCK IT and started diving in, no matter how confusing it all is or how many YEARS it takes. Luckily my local library has a vast collection of comic book back issue trade paperbacks and I'm already starting to get a pretty good handle on stuff. I've been primarily focused on my two favorite super heroes, Batman and Captain America, but I've been dabbling all over the place.

Starting in September DC comics is actually doing a reboot of all their titles, renumbering them all back to #1 to make it easier for new or lapsed readers to jump on board and that's when I'm going to start getting 10 titles a month, including a few Marvel titles. The ten titles I'm going to start getting each month are as such:

1)Batman (the old standby--who the fuck doesn't like Batman?)
2)Detective Comics (more Batman)
3)Action Comics (Grant Morrison starts writing this in September so it should be good and give Superman a lift)
4)Superman (I never used to be into Superman because he's so "goody goody" but I've recently decided to try to appreciate him more)
5)Ghost Rider (sentimental, nostalgia pick because I used to love him when I was a kid. But the new Ghost Rider that is just now coming out is a fucking GIRL?! I'm gonna lust after boney boobies, baby! Hell yeah!)
6)Moon Knight (my Moon Knight obsession is brand new, mainly due to his werewolf-connections in that it is rumored he was bitten by a werewolf which gave him his powers, but curiously enough he is not a werewolf)
7)Batwing (brand-new character to bring in a new modern age of diversity! Batwing is a black Batman is Africa! Hells yeah!)
8)Animal Man (I recently read Grant Morrison's Animal Man from the 80's and loved it. Animal Man is being brought back in September. It's with a different writer but I want to give it a shot.)
9)Captain America (living, breathing symbol of American idealism through the decades. Awesome)
10)Batman and Robin(Batman is now teaming up with the new Robin who just happens to be his 10 year old SON, Damian Wayne, who is a mean obnoxious brat and it should be a pretty funny and interesting dynamic.)

And so, not only do I have my FOOTBALL-related posts to isolate people who don't give a fuck, I'm sure to isolate even more by talking about comic books on occasion. Hahahhahaha! But that definitely won't stop me from leaving you with the cover of one of the bestest most awesomest comic books of all time, the story of when Captain America turned into CAP WOLF!! that I read a few weeks ago and utterly adored. I mean, it was an amazing story and contained absolutely everything a werewolf fan could ask for:
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The Wise Sayings of Taco Werewolf

June has stormed in with a HoWL and the dog days of summer are soon to become the SiZZliNG WOLF DaYs of WONdER as, while meditating out in the wooded clearing near my apartment complex this past week (that I mentioned in yesterday's entry), I started to become inundated with all this insight and as I feverishly began to write the stuff down, I realized I had stumbled upon a new feature to add to my already stunning repertoire of entertainment and erudition: THE WISE SAYINGS OF TACO WEREWOLF!! Lol! Here are the wise sayings I've come up with so far and I'm sure there will be many more to come!

1)As a child I played with my navel.As a teenager I played with my nachos. As an adult I put cheese sauce in my navel and dip nachos in it.

2)The main difference between mice and men is that a mouse can be covered in hot sauce, put in a standard size taco shell and sold for under $1

3)Americans have the cheeseburger, Arabs have the shawarma, Greeks have the gyro, Italians have pizza, the Chinese have the egg roll, Mexicans have tacos and in my belly lies the United Nations of Nom Nom Nom.

4)Some people take the high road, some people take the low road. I choose to take whatever road you're not on because you've been eating refried beans

5)This is in memory of all the fallen taco soldiers I have devoured in my War Against Hunger. You were unarmed and I took advantage of you. For this, I apologize, but I swear I did it for the good of my country. (Memorial Day homage)

6)The grass is always greener on the other side. Except when your side is serving tacos and the other side has liver and lima beans.

7)If you love someone, set them free. If you hate someone, hide the nachos from them.

I've already posted these, one or two a day, this past week on my Twitter and Facebook. I'll continue to archive these sayings here once a week or every month or so but if you want to catch any of these new sayings LIVE and as they are released, please add me on either of these fine social networks. And don't forget to "like" them and RETWEET them, please, because in doing so you'll be doing an excellent service for me, yourself and all your friends.
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Scary Behind!


I just returned from lying down on my back with my werewolf mask on in this clearing in the woods behind my apartment complex for about an hour, and happy to be able to stare up at the clear blue sky for a change. I've got leaves and dirt sticking to my shirt and a couple small twigs in my hair but I don't give a fuck. It's the 31st and I don't want to go the whole month of May without a blog entry. The sun hasn't been out much the past couple months. It's been overcast and raining alot. Last week we had a tornado hit a part of my town. It knocked down all the trees in this park that I like to hang out in and now the entire park is roped off so I've resorted to doing my daydreaming and evil scheming in the woods near where I live. I think I'm going to find a chair to put in my secret little clearing and I'm going to go out there and read comic books with my werewolf mask on all summer, dream about tacos, and who knows, maybe someone, perhaps someone's bratty kids, will see me and go around town saying they saw a glimpse of BiGfOOT, lol!

"Mommy! Mommy! We saw Bigfoot out in the woods reading comic books today!" Hahahaha.

I masturbated a few more times last week than I usually do, due to the power going out in my apartment on two different occasions, two separate days due to storms, for about three hours each time. I mean what the fuck else are you going to do when the power goes out? lol

Although I do like staring up at the clear blue sky, the truth is that there is a big hairy man's ASS hanging over my head now that the clouds are gone, and you see the proof in the picture I've posted above. It all started early this morning when I was talking to my landlady. I'm getting very "behind" (hahahaa!) on my rent, far enough that I felt the need to "face the monster," so to speak and talk to my landlady in person about it (though she is actually very nice). I went in her office and said, "Yeah, I know I'm getting a little behind." She responded by saying, "Well, you now owe us $823!", which is over two months rent. I was a little shocked at the amount because I hadn't accounted for late fees and I exclaimed, "Oh man, I'm SCARY BEHIND, aren't I?!"

And as soon as I said "scary behind" I began to giggle inside. I imagine my landlady's snakey (but pretty) blue eyes expanding and darkening and merging together into a man's butthole. I then saw her platinum blonde hair (very nice, actually) expand outward from both sides of her face and morph into these HAIRY FUCKING MAN's BUTTCHEEKS and I found it hard to breathe, thinking about this ginormous fucking amount of money (by my income's standards) I owe this woman and I felt I was suffocating. I quickly asked her for a piece of paper. I went through a bunch of numbers in my head and I wrote out for her a payment plan for the next couple months, got the hell out of her office and briskly walked out into the woods, lied down and thought about how I was going to avoid being evicted. I now must spend the rest of the summer figuring out a way to get this hairy, sweaty stinky man's ass out of my face! GAWD! All I want to do is wear my werewolf mask, sit out in the woods and read comic books all summer and you're telling me I'm going to have to work more than usual because I'm ScARY BeHIND on my rent?